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Post by bluestar on Feb 21, 2009 23:53:20 GMT -5
Name: Lightningstar Age: 38 moons Gender: She-Cat Clan: StoneClan Rank: Leader Appearance: Silver tabby.Has a face alot like a siamese cat.Blue eyes.Tail fur is longer than body fur.Very big shoulder blades.Shes very tall shes twice the size of a regular cat.Shes skinny.She has a few stripes around her eyes.Also has a scar across her eyes.There shaped like lightning bolts. Picture Link: ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/EdgarKirschner/images/TEKU.JPG History: Gave birth to Silverstorm and Cloudfur.Mother was Darkcloud.Mother was a silver tabby too.Father was Whitetail.Ginger tom with amber eyes.Enimie was Dapplestar.She en't like her name.  Her other kits leafkit and darkkit died at birth.  Personality: Lightningstar is a very motherly cat. She visits the nursery atleast 2 times a day to play with the kits.Most of the time modest.And also very docile.Sometimes hasty with her warriors.Loves to see her long lost mate in her dreams. Additional Comments: Born with red eyes.Very deep V-like scar on ear.Wears a collar that has alot of teeth and claws on it .Has a very deep bond with her ancesters....i changed her name to lightningstar.
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Post by kiyana on Feb 22, 2009 2:00:47 GMT -5
Uhmmm... Well... First off, this site is all original charries, nothing with the original ones from the books, so no Firestar, Silverstream, Stormfur, or Scourges collar!
Second, you need full, descriptive sentences. Just putting "loving with kits" isn't good enough. You could easily turn that into something like this though:
"Geostar is a very motherly she-cat, as she simply adores kits and truely enjoys playing with them."
it's really easy if you think for a minute!
Also, you'll need much more information. A couple of sentences won't do too well :/ For her appearance, try adding in facial features, eye color, skinny or fat? tall or short? Long and thick fur or not? Those are just a few ideas for you.
Fix 'er up!
--Kiyana
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Post by LionStar on Feb 22, 2009 13:20:02 GMT -5
Yes I agree, and please don't quit the site just because we made you change your bio, alot of people do this, so I just hope your not one of them!
Lionstar
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Post by kiyana on Feb 22, 2009 23:27:21 GMT -5
It still needs some work... First off, as a forest cat she really can't have a collar. Sorry about that.
Also, you still need to change it all to be full sentnces with more descriptions. Maybe look at some of the other biographies to get some ideas?
Keep trying and I know you'll have this fixed up really well in no time!! =)
--Pebblenose
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Post by Bluestar989 on Feb 27, 2009 22:37:18 GMT -5
WELL TOOOOOOO BAAAADDDDDD!!!!!!!!!
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Her other kits leafkit and darkkit died at birth. 
