Silversun- Nightclan

[Silversun]

Name: Silversun
Age: 15
Gender: She-Cat
Clan: NightClan
Rank: Medicine Cat
Appearance:

A small light silver she-cat with a white chest, paws and tail tip. Her fur is quite short, but not too short. She has bright green eyes the color of leaves in Greenleaf. She has small paws, ideal for a medicine cat. She has a pink nose with a small scar across it from when she was just a kit.

Picture Link:

will add one later

History:

When Silversun was just a kit she had always seemed more grown up than her littermates. Whenever one of her siblings hurt themselves she would check them over, trying to help them herself. One day she was exploring the camp looking for herbs that medicine cat's use when she got tangled in a thorn bush resulting in the scar on her nose. The medicine cat back then had decided it was time for an apprentice, and took Silversun as his apprentice. She was a quick learner. The next leafbare, her mentor passed away, and she was left to care for the Clan. Her mother and father both died in battle not long later.

Personality:

Silversun is extreamly friendly and protective. She has a liking of kits, and has always wanted her own, even though she is a medicine cat. The cat's that ruffle her fur are the elders, who are forever critisising her work and finding things wrong with themselves. She is mostly calm and rarely loses her temper, but when she does, watch out, because she won't hesitate to claw your ears! She is very loyal to her Clan. Sometimes, Silversun just likes to relax, as being a medicine cat is hard work!

Additional Comments:

nope, nuthin...

[betsy]

uhmm. loffly charrie but could youu please add more to the appearance, probably about her build -- is she slim, plump, boney?

and could you also add what happened to your parents in the history?

and sometimes just watch your english.

the bold bits don't really make sense. the red bits are things that uu don't really need there.
One day she was exploring the camp[red],[/red] looking for herbs that medicine cat's use, when she got tangled in a thorn bush, resulting in the scar on her nose.
{one day she was exploring the camp [red]{ no comma needed }[/red]looking for herbs that medicine cat's use, this was when she got tangled in a thorn bush { no comma needed } resulting her scar on her nose. }

and be careful with this
She had small paws, -- if u had it like that then that would've meant silversun had small paws before but if uu want her to have paws now at fifteen moons then it shood be
{ she has small paws, }

use more adjectives to make your biography a bit more interesting. i can see you have some in certain paragraphs but some are just like not descriptive. in your appearance parrie, you had "pink nose" butt then in some other parries uu had just "nose".

i think there were a few more but just be careful of that kay?

[LionStar]

Yes that is very good revise that, anyways its still accepted.

[betsy]

yer, just wait for her to fix the history and appearance a bit ;]

[LionStar]

Let me rephrase that:
"Yes that is very good revise that, anyways it will still be accepted.

[Silversun]

lol i've never been that good with stuff like that xD I will work on it and fix my bio asap!